Get Out Your Violins....

I just need to vent for a minute.  As you all probably know, I have MS.  So far things haven't been too bad.  Some dizziness, some numbness, some physical limitations, a whole lot of exhaustion...and what I hate the most...weight gain.  Let me tell you about it (this is where you get your violins out!)

Begin playing....

Ever since I got married I've been thin.  After Riley it was easy breezy getting back to my pre-Riley weight.  After Tanner, same thing.  Easy.  Heck, even after Ava the weight melted off.  Within 2-months of having Ava I had lost all but 6-lbs of my baby fat.  Then I started taking my MS medication and all my weight loss came to a screeching halt!  I couldn't understand why I couldn't get that last 6-lbs off.  I was seeing a personal trainer twice a week and going to work out on my own twice per week.  I started weight watchers and did that for 3-months.  Nothing.  Well, I shouldn't say nothing.  I gained weight.  I couldn't understand!  Then I did some research on this medication and found out that weight gain is a very UN-common side effect. Leave it to me to experience the uncommon side effect.

So, I bought myself some new clothes that actually fit.  Then I grew out of those.  So, I bought myself some more new clothes that fit.  In 2 1/2 years I have gained a total of 40 pounds!  FORTY!!!  I am at my full-blown, full-term pregnancy weight, but I have no baby to look forward to.

I saw my neurologist and told her my woes.  She replied by looking me straight in the eye and saying, "The Copaxone isn't making you gain weight..."  I couldn't believe it!  I wanted to kick her in the shins...hard!  But, thinking she may be right and I may be crazy (and lazy) I redoubled my efforts at the gym.

In January I started going to the gym 5-6 days a week for 2-hours each session.  I do 1 quick mile on the treadmill followed by 2 killer aerobics classes each week, 1 quick mile on the treadmill followed by 2 killer weight lifting classes each week, and I walk/run for 3-4 miles the other 2-days.  I am working my little tooshie off...but sadly, my tooshie is not cooperating.  I haven't even lost ONE pound.  Not one!  Not even an ounce!  It is one of the most frustrating experiences of my life!  I can tell that my body is stronger.  A lot stronger.  I know that counts for something, but it is so hard to look in the mirror and think, "at least I'm stronger" when all I want is to lose at least some of this weight!

I know that one day, when this medication stops working, I will move on to another medication and be able to lose this weight.  Part of me looks forward to that day, but most of me dreads it.  It will mean that something terrible has happened.  Maybe I'll wake up and won't be able to feel the left side of my body.  Maybe I'll wake up and one of my eyes won't work.  I just don't know.  I just have to keep reminding myself to count my blessings, not my curses.  Be grateful for what I've been given...and boy have I been "given" a lot (that's a joke people!)  But truly, I have been given a lot.

Thanks for lending your cyber-ear.  You can now put your violins away :)